I want to tell you why you should run out and see “The Cabin in the Woods.” I just can’t without giving away its secrets. Don’t worry. What follows is vague, spoiler-free praise.

“The Cabin in the Woods” delightfully hacks and slashes through all the pathetic horror movie clichés that have ruined the genre in recent years. If anyone bothers to make a “traditional” horror movie again, good luck to them. “The Cabin in the Woods” will hopefully act as a restart button for the genre, challenging filmmakers to do better and audiences to expect more.

As one of the film’s taglines suggests, “You think you know the story.” Five young people head out for a weekend of tomfoolery at a lakeside cabin. The creepy gas station attendant warns them to stay away. They go anyway, of course, and things get supernatural.

It’s the usual suspects on display. The jock (Chris Hemsworth, aka Thor), the slutty girl (Anna Hutchison), the smart guy (Jesse Williams), the slacker/stoner (Fran Kranz) and the virgin (Kristen Connolly) all bring the generic characteristics straight out of “Halloween at the Hostel on Friday the 13^th.” Or maybe not so much. Part of the fun of “The Cabin in the Woods” is how and when these characters follow the expected protocol.

There are two other notable characters played by the fast talking “West Wing” alum Bradley Whitford and the always welcome Richard Jenkins (“The Visitor,” “Six Feet Under”). Critical to the mystery of the film, the actors also participate in the best opening title card reveal for a movie in a long, long time.

Directed by Drew Goddard (screenwriter on “Cloverfield) and written by Goddard and geek-god Joss Whedon (“Firefly,” “Angel,” and the upcoming mega-blockbuster “The Avengers”), the film earns serious laughs and thrills from mining the deep, dark boroughs of All Things That Go Bump in the Night.

The third act makes it obvious that Goddard and Whedon have a strong affection for horror movies, but make no mistake, “The Cabin in the Woods” is an outright attack on the inferior storytelling coming out of the Hollywood machine. There are characters that represent the filmmakers and others that represent us, the audience, and these characters all have a serious lust for the splatter of youth.

Speaking in generalities won’t sell the movie to audiences who already know better to stay away from the latest Hollywood scary movie. It’s no surprise the film finished in third place last weekend behind “Hunger Games” and a “Three Stooges” remake. It was marketed as a straight horror movie with a twist, although “twist” isn’t really the word to describe what happens in “The Cabin in the Woods.” Even the opening scene offers significant intel to the grander story at play.

The best way into “The Cabin in the Woods” is with as little information as possible, a daunting feat in an age where people spoil everything on the Internet. No matter how much you know, you shouldn’t miss an opportunity to see a mainstream horror movie that, for once, actually delivers genuine entertainment value without resorting to gore and violence, though it gleefully provides both as a bonus.

Some have knocked “The Cabin in the Woods” for being too full of itself and not scary enough, and I say that’s a deliberate and purposeful choice by Goddard and Whedon. They want you thinking about why these genre clichés have endured despite their general ineffectiveness. They want you thinking about the Man Behind the Curtain.

I feel like maybe I’ve said too much.

Grade: A