Month January

  • ‘Lost’ final season primer: Everything you need to know about the ABC series

    image One of my favorite obsessions is "Lost," the time-bending series about a mysterious island and the fated survivors of a grisly plane crash. After more than 100 episodes full of polar bears, smoke monsters and flash-forwards, the series begins its sixth and final season on Tuesday (8 p.m. ABC).

    The network will open the evening with a recap show intended to catch newbies up on the mystery, but as a parting gift to faithful readers, I’ve outlined everything you need to know. Read on for the essential goods on network TV’s most addictive show.

    Essential Characters

    Jack (Matthew Fox) is a surgeon with daddy issues. His dad’s corpse was on the plane when it crashed on the island, but when he opened the casket, Dad was missing.

    image Kate (Evangeline Lilly) had daddy issues, but then she killed him. She’s in love with both Jack and Sawyer (Josh Holloway), a con artist who gives everybody cool nicknames. Last season he fell in love with Juliet (Elizabeth), but she died when she blew up an atomic bomb in 1977. Wait, that just got confusing.

    So there’s John Locke (Terry O’Quinn), who was crippled until he came to the island. It doesn’t matter because Ben (Michael Emerson) killed Locke so he could still be the leader of The Others, a group of people native to the island.

    Oh yeah, way back in the past, a guy named Jacob and a Man in Black talk about controlling the island. Man in Black pledges to kill Jacob. "Ha, ha," Jacob laughs. But then, years later, the Man in Black morphs into John Locke and convinces Ben to kill Jacob.

    Oh yeah, and Hurley (Jorge Garcia) sees dead people.

    Still with me?

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  • You can’t handle the taglines

    You Can't Handle The Tooth It’s bad enough that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson stars in an idiotic kiddy movie called "Tooth Fairy." But did the promotional campaign really need to use the stupidest taglines imaginable?

    "The Tooth Hurts," proclaims one shameless poster for the movie. Another reads, "You Can’t Handle the Tooth."

    Obviously this "Tooth Fairy" movie is a real masterpiece.

    This Times It's PersonalWhile nobody intends to make a bad movie, I’m convinced the marketing gurus behind "You Can’t Handle the Tooth" weren’t trying as hard as they should. Then again, what clever thing could possibly be said about a former wrestling superstar prancing around like a butterfly?

    The Internet is full of blog posts about the absolute worst movie taglines, with the most cited being from the 1977 horror film, "Suspiria." It reads: The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes of this film are the first 92." Unintentional translation: This movie is pretty good, at least up until the ending.

    While I consider the original "Jaws" to be one of the best suspense movies of all time, the third sequel, "Jaws: The Revenge" has one of the greatest bad taglines in film history. It reads, "This time, it’s personal." Apparently the sharks of the first three films only ate people for the tax write-off.

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  • Oscar nomination predictions 2010

    "Avatar" took home the top prizes at last week’s Golden Globe Awards. Whether it deserves it or not, expect James Cameron’s epic to lead the field again when Oscar nominations are announced Feb. 2. Here’s a highly educated guess (debatable) on what to expect in the top categories.

    Best Picture

    image In a controversial rule change, the Academy will nominate 10 films in its top category. Five movies are all-but-guaranteed to be there: "Avatar," "The Hurt Locker," "Up in the Air," "Inglourious Basterds" and "Precious."

    The rest could be tricky. Pixar should finally make the cut with "Up," and little seen "An Education" has scored in several key precursors. Clint Eastwood is an Academy favorite, so let’s assume "Invictus" makes it too. That leaves two more spots. "Star Trek" and "District 9" deserve to be there, but I say only "Trek" sneaks in.

    That leaves "(500) Days of Summer," "The Messenger," "Where the Wild Things Are," "Crazy Heart," "Fantastic Mr. Fox," "A Serious Man" and "The Hangover" for the final slot. I’ll go with my personal favorite of the bunch: "(500) Days of Summer."

    Update: 7/10 correct. Nobody saw “The Blind Side” coming. No “(500) Days of Summer.” Blasphemy!

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  • World upside down

    The Mayans may peg the end of the world for 2012, but the pop culture apocalypse  seems to be here today.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m perplexed by the recent events in the world of entertainment. NBC doesn’t know what to do about Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien. "Spider-man" is getting a "gritty" reboot. Simon Cowell is leaving "American Idol." And Sarah Palin is joining Fox News.

    Actually, that last one makes perfect sense.

    Let’s digest this one by one, shall we?

    Conan and Crappy Leno I don’t know what to make of the whole Leno-O’Brien thing, especially since new developments seem to come in every hour. Conan is the more talented performer, and I respect how he rejected the proposed "Tonight Show" move to 12:05 a.m. (might as well call it the "Early Today Show").

    I say cut Leno loose, and give Conan a real chance in the 11:35 timeslot. Seems sort of obvious to me, but I’m no network executive. By the time this article runs, those guys will probably switch the timeslots three more times.

    Spiderman 4 Shut Down Perhaps stranger than the Late Night TV debacle, Sony Pictures announced the cancellation of "Spider-man 4," with director Sam Raimi and star Tobey Maguire leaving the franchise for good.

    While it’s not a big surprise for the millions of people unhappy with "Spider-man 3," the fourth installment was previously set to start shooting as early as next month. Script conflicts prompted the cancellation, and now Sony is planning a "modern, gritty" reboot to the franchise pegged for 2012.

    I call blasphemy!

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  • Issues with 'Avatar'

    Everyone else can love it, but the mega-blockbuster “Avatar” is certainly NOT one of my favorite movies of 2009.

    James Cameron’s science-fiction epic continues to shatter box office records, and three weeks after its worldwide release, word of mouth seems to be stronger than ever. Critics have gushed over it, and many consider it to be the front runner in this year’s expanded Best Picture race at the Academy Awards.

    To all of this, I say, “Eh.”

    I’m not here to bash the popular kid. I’ll give “Avatar” the credit it deserves in that it’s easily the most spectacular looking movie I’ve ever seen. The special effects are seamless, and the motion-capture animation is revolutionary and realistic. Gollum in “Lord of the Rings” is nothing compared to the subtle performance by Zoe Saldana as Na’vi warrior Neytiri.

    The problem is everything else.

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  • Worst Movies of 2009

    The title speaks for itself. The less said about 2009’s cinematic stinkers, the better. Avoid them like the (insert latest disease craze here).

    Bride Wars

    I feel sorry for any person who knows a woman like the spoiled characters played by Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson in this offensively insipid film. Luckily, no human being on earth can match the level of selfishness and superficiality on display by these characters. Here it is, folks: The absolute worst romantic comedy of all-time.
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  • Best Movies of 2009

    With two lingering wars and the economy in the tank, the nation didn’t exactly have a very happy 2009.
    Fitting that many of the year’s best movies were fantasies, comedies and cartoons. Apparently, there’s nothing like a good distraction to help ease the pain of tough times.

    1. Up

    While this Pixar masterpiece boasts several visually arresting action sequences, the film’s most powerful moments are the quietest ones– particularly a dialogue-free sequence that documents the love and loss of a long, happy marriage.

    From there, “Up” becomes a refreshingly funny buddy comedy, teaming an 80-year-old grouch with a young, upbeat wilderness explorer. It seems like all fun kid stuff, but “Up” is more a movie about grief and how some of the greatest adventures in life can also be the simplest.

    People go on and on about the revolutionary computer effects in “Avatar,” but only Pixar has ever made me connect with computer images on a human level.

    Consider the climactic scene of “Up,” when heartbroken Carl Fredericksen opens the last page of his wife’s photo journal. The scene has no explosions, quips or bright balloons. The essence and brilliance of “Up” is in an old man’s gaze.

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  • Downey makes ‘Sherlock’ a strong case

    Sherlock Holmes Movie Review Arthur Conan Doyle probably wouldn’t like what the new "Sherlock Holmes" does to his iconic character. Don’t worry about him. He’s dead.

    Director Guy Ritchie ("Snatch," "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels") reinvents the famous detective as a quippy action hero. He still rocks the deductive reasoning and keen observation skills, but now he can do both while throwing punches in slow-motion.

    It’s a bold update, and it only really works for one reason: Robert Downey Jr.

    In another engrossing performance, Downey brings his cocky "Iron Man" attitude to 1890s London. Think Tony Stark with a hint of Adrian Monk, add a delightfully thick British accent, and Downey  is the swaggering Sherlock Holmes for the X-Box generation.

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